I guess my first contact with mind altering text was as a child, nursery rhymes and such, then school and the Bible, until in my teens I began searching for some deeper meaning to life. My parents are devout Catholics so Catholicism played a large part in forming my adolescent mind but it never completely felt right or whole, so I continued to seek to fill the void by exploring poetry then books like J R Tolkiens ‘Lord Of The Rings’ Trilogy and the Dragonlance Chronicles, things that would export me to worlds of adventure, heroism, magic and love…Ah Love…as I became older I thought that maybe my void would be filled from stories of unrequited obsession, hot steamy nights, heartache and the inevitable happy ending, but alas, all it really did was open up a new world of endless possibility (Catherine Cookson and Jane Austen).
I grew bored and began searching in another area, a darker one. Diana Gabaldon kept me intrigued for a while, then I discovered Anne Rice and the story of Lestat. I was shocked, even disgusted, still I couldn’t put the books down, then I laughed so hard I cried, then I cried a different cry.
Then I fell in Love, for real and with a real man, and I did not feel the need to read for quite a while. It seemed that my void had been filled….for a while….in my thirties life became ‘normal’ with children and home and life and I was contented….for a while….
When I was thirty six I finally admitted to myself that in debt was not a good place to live and I had began to feel that old familiar empty feeling returning and that is when I discovered ‘Personal Development’.
It was a rather daunting term, I thought, didn’t sound like much fun and it was funny, looking back, how I felt a sense of foreboding, an unsureness of what was to come. It is easy to look in the mirror at the reflection of what we perceive ourselves to be, not so easy to look beyond that reflection to our true selves. One of my eldest sons favorite movies growing up was ‘The Never Ending Story’, at one point Atreyu, the hero, comes face to face with the ‘Magic Mirror Gate’, by looking into this gate your true self is revealed….I had often wondered what I would see….
To say that my journey into personal development was enlightening is an accurate description, but at times it was heart, mind and soul destroying and I wanted to give up…I did not give up, for I knew deep deep down that this was exactly what I needed. Seven years later I can say with absolute certainty that I am a different person. I am strong, I believe in myself and my abilities, I have money in the bank all the time, I am confident, I am a great partner, I am a great mother and grandmother, I am a great friend and daughter, I am a great business woman, I am fit and healthy and I am very excited about my future!